Why am I afraid to take up space in this world?

I feel like this is a multi-faceted thing.

I was always the 'bigger' girl at school, not by a lot but in my head I felt ten times bigger and I've carried that with me for years. I was still the 'bigger' friend at uni until in my third year when I joint Weight Watchers.

And I lost more than three stone. But my hair got really thin, my periods were all over the place, I had permanent dark circles under my eyes and my skin looked grey at times.

I was stuck on WW for 5 years and in 2019, I came off it. And at first it felt so freeing until I noticed weight was coming back on and I started calorie counting. I was yo-yoing with this for a while before I just decided to stop.

The weight gain has been hard I won't lie. Sometimes I'm crushed to look in the mirror and see I'm now a size 12 and not an 8. But the light is back in my eyes, I've found a new sense of fashion, my body is strong and I'm about to start PT.

So that's that part. The other part is that I have a very low opinion of myself, a) I was single until I was 28 and b) I've always felt like everyone's least favourite person.

My brain is currently wired to put everyone before me, I would say I'm good at hyping others up but not myself and I don't know why. I think other people can do anything and can achieve everything they want to, but can't apply that logic to myself?

I can't seem to allow myself to take up space in this world.

I'm important too and my thoughts and feelings are valid and I matter.

This is definitely something I need to work on.